A Piece O' Cake
by BohoGirls78
Summary: RENTfic. Collaboration between Daydreamer731, Glorygirl07, and Katie S. Baking, rats, and a very happy un-birthday.


A/N: This story was written in the car on the way to RENT, each of us taking turns writing a sentence. . .or more. We hope you enjoy it.  
  
^_~ Daydreamer731  
  
"A Piece O' Cake"  
  
It all started one day when Roger woke up and decided to bake a cake for Mark's half birthday. Well, since Roger had never cooked-much less baked-he decided to call a woman.  
  
"Mimi!" Roger shouted from the kitchen, "get up! NOW!"  
  
". . .you must be joking. You did NOT just wake me up before noon on a . . .Thursday morning. What? Are you bleeding? Are you DYING?"  
  
"Umm. . .well. . .dying to bake a cake? Will you help me Mimi?" Roger pouted.  
  
"Rog-"  
  
"Please! Mimi! It's-it's Mark's half-birthday."  
  
"Roger. . .I don't know how to bake a cake."  
  
So Roger called Maureen.  
  
"Hey! Mo. . .do you know how to bake a cake?"  
  
"Wow! That rhymes. . .Mo and know and bake and cake!"  
  
"Umm. . .yea.. .ok well *do* you know how to bake a cake?"  
  
"Jeez. . .very intent now, aren't we? I thought you as a song writer would appreciate a good rhyme. So. No, I don't *know* how to bake a cake, but I'd be glad to come over and help you figure it out."  
  
"Ok, great! Can you be over soon? Oh! Can you bring flour, eggs, sugar, milk, and a ham and cheese sandwich?"  
  
"A ham and cheese sandwich?"  
  
"Yes, and ham and cheese sandwich. You said yourself I was a songwriter. Therefore I am ppor, and therefore I have no money to buy food-in this case lunch-in this case a ham and cheese sandwich."  
  
"Ok. . .um. . .I'll be right over. But Roger?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're gonna pay for this somehow."  
  
At that moment, Mimi appeared in the kitchen, rubbing her eyes and yawning loudly.  
  
"Guess what, Meems?"  
  
"Ughzma?"  
  
"We have backup! Maureen is coming over and she's bringing lunch. How does a ham and cheese sandwich sound?"  
  
Mimi made an unintelligible noise that sounded disturbingly like a grunt, and peered quizzically at him through the wild bush of brown curls obscuring her face.  
  
"Ok, I will take that as an enthusiastic plea for food. So. Where do we keep the pots and pans again?"  
  
"Again? You never knew where they were before."  
  
"Ok. . .well . . .um. . .help?" Roger threw up his hands helplessly.  
  
"Oh, don't give me that sad puppy face!"  
  
Mimi walked over to a cabinet, pulled out a frying pan, and hit Roger lightly on the head with it.  
  
"There. *There's* your lesson."  
  
"Yes, Mommy."  
  
Then Roger pulled Mimi close and tickled her until she was rolling on the ground.  
  
"There. Have YOU learned YOUR lesson?"  
  
"Never! I'll never learn!" she laughed.  
  
Roger grabbed her hands and had just begun to steer her in the direction of their bedroom when the doorbell rang.  
  
"Damn. Mark better LOVE this cake." Roger muttered under his breath.  
  
"Oh Rooooooooooger! MiMI!" Maureen's shrill voice snapped Roger and Mimi out of their romantic trance.  
  
"Roger, door!" Mark called groggily.  
  
"Good God, how many people does it take to bake a cake?" Mimi asked.  
  
"Surprise!" Maureen called as Roger opened the door. "I brought Collins and Angel along too!"  
  
"Oh, crap! Mark, go back to bed. This is a dream."  
  
"Oh. . .it is?"  
  
"Yes, it is!"  
  
"Good night Roger, Maureen, Collins, Mimi, and Angel. Rog-are you SURE I'm dreaming?"  
  
"Yes, Mark. Now goodnight. And if you can't sleep, try counting the number of rats you see in your room."  
  
"Rats? Ewww. . .I think I see one. . .we should call the exterminator. Oh wait. . .this is just a dream. . .hi, dream rat."  
  
With that, Mark staggered back to his room.  
  
"Is there seriously a rat?" Angel asked curiously.  
  
"Yep. Right there," Collins answered, pointing.  
  
Maureen and Angel shrieked and scrambled up onto the couch.  
  
"But don't worry, that's only Harriet. She lives here.;"  
  
Angel made a gagging noise, and Maureen inched towards it and attempted to pick up Roger's pet rat.  
  
"No wait Don't!" Roger squawked.  
  
"OW! It bit me, Rog."  
  
"She's um . . .a little antisocial." Mimi apologized.  
  
"Well, you know what they say," Collins offered, "pets do start to become like their owners."  
  
Maureen ran forward and began trying to bite Roger.  
  
"Ok, that's enough! No I *really* need that rabies shot. OK. THAT'S ENOUGH." Roger shouted as Maureen tore some of the cheese off Roger and Mimi's lunch.  
  
The doorbell rang again, and Angel opened it, revealing Joanne.  
  
"Thank God. She's totally out of control without you."  
  
"Pookie! Can we get a pet rat?"  
  
At that, Joanne walked over to Roger and slapped him across the cheek.  
  
"What was that for?"  
  
"For being a bad influence. She's bad enough as it is."  
  
"Yea-well . . .rats actually make good pets but that's beside the point. I have gathered you all here to make. . .A CAKE!"  
  
"Roger?" Mark said, sleepily poking his head out. "Can I have a glass of water?"  
  
"Mark, please go."  
  
"Oh, and since this is a dream can I have some cookies and Maureen in bed?"  
  
"OK!" Maureen agreed enthusiastically.  
  
Joanne gave her an evil look.  
  
"NO!" Roger intervened, handing Mark a glass of water.  
  
"But why not?" Mark whined.  
  
"Because this is your nightmare, Mark, and we all torture you in it. Now go back before Harriet comes and gets you."  
  
"Well this isn't a very scary nightmare but whatever-Harriet does kinda scare me. Goodnight and Maureen-I'll have to take a raincheck."  
  
"Okay, Pookie." Maureen grinned at him.  
  
Joanne spanked Maureen and Maureen replied with, "Don't worry, Pookie, I like women anyways."  
  
"Umm. . .guys. . .is it supposed to bubble like that?" Mimi asked, staring into a pot.  
  
"Is what supposed to bubble?" Angel sweetly replied.  
  
"Umm. . .this. . .stuff."  
  
"What did you put in there?" Roger asked impatiently.  
  
"All I put in there was vinegar and baking soda."  
  
"WHY?" Collins shrieked, leaping towards the pot which was now overflowing with foam.  
  
"Isn't that how you're *supposed* to bake a cake?" Mimi asked innocently.  
  
"No!" Roger yelled, "that's how you bake a volcano!"  
  
"I thought you didn't know how to bake a cake!" snapped Mimi.  
  
"I don't! But I do know how to make a volcano! I had the best volcano in the class in third grade."  
  
"Well la frickendedah! Mr. Third Grade Volcano man. Just make this stop bubbling before Mark wakes up again.  
  
"Oh shit! Speak of the devil, here comes Mark now!" Exclaimed Maureen.  
  
"Again?" asked Mimi incredulously.  
  
But then Mark turned and went into the bathroom.  
  
"False alarm," sighed Roger.  
  
Then they realized that eventually he would have to come out, so they all blankly stared at the door, anticipating the worst.  
  
They heard the toilet flush, and Mark lethargically walked out as they all watched him come toward them. He reached for the eggs, picked one up, turned around and slowly walked back into the bathroom. Suddenly the gang heard a loud "crack!" Mark wandered out of the bathroom and walked back into the bedroom while muttering,  
  
"Well, I took care of the rat problem."  
  
"Great!" said Roger. Now we're short one egg."  
  
"Well we could go find a little bird and ask him to lay one for us," suggested Maureen.  
  
"Joanne. . .please control her!" Whined Roger," JOANNE! Do you know how to bake a cake?"  
  
"NO! Are you kidding me?" she asked, "One time I blew up a microwave because I put a whole carton of eggs in it and WAM! It just exploded."  
  
"Ok, I have a plan," said Roger, taking control of the situation, "We all just put everything in the bowl, mix it up, and cook it."  
  
"Roger-I don't know if that's a good idea." Angel timidly commented.  
  
"Well then, does anyone have any OTHER ideas?"  
  
The room grew silent.  
  
"That's what I thought."  
  
So, they all began to carry out Roger's plan.  
  
"So we need five eggs, but Maureen only brought three and Mark threw one. So put the two eggs-"  
  
Just at that moment, there was a shriek and the sound of an egg cracking.  
  
"Whoops. Sorry." Apologized Angel.  
  
"One egg."  
  
"Well then. . .we'll just make it with one egg," Mimi suggested.  
  
"No, silly, that won't work," Maureen insisted.  
  
"Maybe we could substitute something else," said Roger, "what do we have that's like eggs?"  
  
"Well we have a few chocolate eggs from Easter last year. Will that work?"  
  
Collins picked one up and looked at it.  
  
"Well, I only see a few spots of mold. . .it should be fine."  
  
"So what's the next ingredient? Flour. Maureen, where's the flour?"  
  
"Uh oh," said Maureen, who was hiding behind Joanne.  
  
"Why the uh oh?"  
  
"I thought you said flowers. My bad. You guys need a new phone!"  
  
"Well. . . we could put the flowers in the blender and then. . .would that work?" said Roger desperately.  
  
*crickets*  
  
"You know what Roger? Mark will love that you even remembered his half birthday. I'm sure he will love the cake." Reassured Collins.  
  
The blender, which was out on the fire escape, was then filled with daisies, baby's breath, and one large sunflower.  
  
Angel cringed as he watched the beautiful blooms being turned into a pungent brown pulp. Just then, Mark stuck his head out onto the fire escape.  
  
"Hey guys? What're you doing? This is the loudest dream I've ever had."  
  
They all just stared at him.  
  
"Why are you blending mud?"  
  
They continued to stare.  
  
"Guys? Oh, that's right you're not here cause this is a dream. I'll go back to bed now."  
  
"Well maybe we should just make him a mud pie and get it over with!" sighed Roger.  
  
So they did! They took the chocolate eggs, flowers, handfuls of sugar, and some sour milk, mixed them together and put them in a frozen pie crust from Thanksgiving.  
  
Mark came out again just as they finished.  
  
"I'm bored guys. Make something interesting happen in this dream."  
  
No sooner had he said that, Benny barged in and said, "Dudes, I need the rent."  
  
"You really think that we-" Roger started to object.  
  
*SMACK*  
  
Mark picked up the mud pie and hit Benny in the face with it.  
  
There was a collective groan and then a burst of laughter. Benny wiped his face and grunted.  
  
"What a great dream! I've always wanted to throw a pie at someone. And it's great cause this is just a dream."  
  
"Hey-Mark. This isn't a dream. You're awake." Roger stifled between laughs.  
  
Mark turned white as a sheet.  
  
"What?"  
  
"WE just told you that because we wanted to bake you a half-birthday cake and surprise you. But there were um . . .a few complications.  
  
"You guys remembered my half-birthday? I love you all!" Mark started to cry and created a huge group hug.  
  
"umm . . ." said Benny, "I'll come back later." And left.  
  
"Hey!" said Mimi, "Let's all go to the Life so Mark can have a real cake!"  
  
So they did. And Mark had a perfect half-birthday party. Almost like a dream.  
  
~~~**~~~ 


End file.
